We had to put down our old refrigerator the other day. The compressor had been wonky for a while—sometimes our ice cream would be soft, other times our lettuce would be caked with frost. We tolerated it. We’d had it for more than 20 years and we’d gotten used to it, like you get used to that hole in the toe of your favorite sneakers. But then it started leaking water onto the floor every day. That, we couldn’t tolerate. A repairman came but couldn’t fix it. So we sent it out to live on a nice farm in the country. That’s what we told the other appliances.
Alix and I talked over what we wanted from a new fridge. A freezer on the bottom would be nice this time around. A stainless-steel finish, sure. But mainly there was one thing we did NOT want:
A smart refrigerator.
Meaning, a refrigerator that came with an app.
Allow me to sound 174 years old for a moment: Not every damn thing needs an app. To park on the street in most any downtown these days, you don’t need a handful of quarters—you need an app. The first thing they ask you in any drive-thru is if you ordered through the app. And now, every appliance in the house—from the washing machine to the stove to the freaking toaster—can be bought in a version that comes with an app.
If you need an app to help you make toast, you have way bigger problems than toast.
Smart refrigerators can track the inventory in your fridge; they can come with cameras that show you what’s in the fridge while you’re shopping; and they can tell you when items such as water filters need replacing. You can also, if you are determined to go analog, do these tasks by an alternate method: OPENING THE DOOR.
Look. I use a bunch of apps every day. I Google a bunch of stuff (though I try very hard to skip the A.I. summaries), I Shazam songs I don’t know. I play the Wordle and the Spelling Bee every morning. I have even been known to Yelp.*
*I downloaded the Yelp app while we were on vacation last month and looking for restaurants. At the time, we happened to be in the tiny town of Omena, Michigan (population 300). Apparently Yelp thinks I live there. So now I get regular notifications telling me about the best plumbers, tree trimmers, etc., in the Omena area. I know I could change my location but I’m not going to. This is the happiest an app has ever made me.
But even setting aside the privacy issues with downloading an app—and that’s a lot to set aside—I don’t see any way that a Bluetooth connection makes the experience of having a refrigerator any better. At its core, a fridge is a simple tool. You put your food in there and it keeps it cold. The more features you add, the more chances something will fail.
I did think there would be one app feature that would be useful—an alarm that tells you if you’ve left the refrigerator door open. We do that sometimes. It turns out the dumb fridge we bought has an alarm anyway.
We’ve had it about a week now. It keeps everything cold. It makes good ice. It does not leak water onto the floor. It has never said a word to us, or sent us a notification, and it never will. There is something to be said for the strong and silent type.
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10 things I wanted to share this week:
My earlier post this week was a wrap-up of three musical stories: a book that is really important to me, the demise of Columbia House, and the death of ZZ Top drummer Frank Beard.
I also heard from several Shedheads this week that The Atlantic had reposted an excerpt the magazine ran from DOGLAND a couple of years ago, about why a dog’s death hits so hard. Thanks to the folks over there for putting that story in front of a new audience.
My friend Joe Posnanski has been counting down the best baseball movies of all time over at his newsletter. Here’s a post that goes over the top two and links to the others on his list. (My top five, if you’re interested: BULL DURHAM, MONEYBALL, A LEAGUE OF THEIR OWN, FIELD OF DREAMS, and MAJOR LEAGUE. I also have a real soft spot for Bernie Mac’s MR. 3000. (JoeBlogs)
The New York Times’ 50 best thrillers of the 21st century. There are 41 I haven’t read. I’ve got to get cracking!
Euro mystery update: the new season of PROFESSOR T has landed on this side of the Atlantic, and we’ve enjoyed the first couple of episodes. Let’s just say that Professor T is being put through as close as he gets to an emotional wringer… (PBS)
For a nice change of pace we’ve been watching CLARKSON’S FARM, a reality show starring Jeremy Clarkson (a British celeb best know for TOP GEAR and THE GRAND TOUR) as he tries to run his own farm in the English countryside. The real star of the show is farmhand Kaleb Cooper, who is both competent as a farmer (unlike Clarkson) and absolutely hilarious. (Prime Video)
I also enjoyed comedian Rory Scovel’s new special, SHOW MUST GO ON, which veers from religion to sex to a moving (and still funny) meditation on his dad’s death. (Netflix)
A look inside the world of competitive chili-eating, which features a world champ from South Carolina. These guys make HOT ONES look like the minor leagues. (Huck)
The current champ at growing hot peppers is Ed Currie, another South Carolina guy who runs a company called Puckerbutt. I interviewed Ed for my old SOUTHBOUND podcast a few years ago. He gave me a bottle of an experimental hot sauce they were working on. I was too chicken to try it.
My favorite song of the week is the new single by Little Big Town, “Closing Time” (not the old Semisonic hit). It features Kelsea Ballerini on background vocals and the great Karen Fairchild of LBT on lead. It’s a simple, sexy slow song, made for the end of the night.
Have a great weekend, everybody.
—TT
My books DOGLAND and THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM are available in all formats pretty much everywhere books are sold.
So agree on the fridge. We are moving in a month and need a fridge. Looking at standard fridge with bottom freezer, dumb as they come. More bells and whistles, more breakdowns.
Thanks, Tommy, for this great article. So relatable. And now I know to avoid a refrigerator with an app when next we need one.