Grounded
Not missing airplanes at all, plus my weekly shareables: hot wings, a cool rapper, and the perfect golf nap
Important update: The doves I wrote about a couple weeks ago have hatched their babies! It’s hard to see from our angle, and we’re trying not to get too close, but we’ve spotted at least two and maybe three dovelings in the nest. We should probably find some tiny cigars or something.
The other day I was talking to author Charles Frazier (of COLD MOUNTAIN fame) for an upcoming episode of my podcast SOUTHBOUND. His new novel, THE TRACKERS, is set in the late 1930s—a time when commercial airplane flights were still relatively rare. Two characters take their first flights during the course of the novel. Both of them hate it.
Planes had to fly low back then, because they hadn’t figured out how to pressurize cabins, and so the ride was a lot rougher. One thing I learned from Frazier’s book: Commercial airliners used to have little metal bowls under every seat. That was the ancestor of the barf bag.
It made me really glad I didn’t have to fly back then. But to be honest, I’m just as glad I don’t have to fly now.
The last time I was on a plane was in February 2020. I flew to New York for my first Westminster Dog Show. (The book is coming! I swear!) A few weeks after that, COVID hit. I spent the next couple of years driving to dog shows—back to New York, down to Florida, up to Michigan. At some point I decided I liked driving so much better than flying that now I don’t even check flights for a trip. We drove to Wisconsin back in the fall for a business/pleasure combo, and it turned out great even though we spent the first night in the emergency room (it’s a long story, everything turned out fine).
Flying is especially hard if you’re a big guy like me. I spend a lot of time and care to make sure I get a comfortable place to sit. I’m always stressed until I am actually in the seat and out of other people’s way. A few years ago, on an early-morning flight to Las Vegas, I got bumped from my seat. It took a long and painful negotiation at the gate to get my spot back. The whole thing gave me the worst migraine I’ve ever had. That flight had two legs—one to Phoenix, then the rest of the way to Vegas. They were the only two times I’ve ever needed those barf bags.
I’m sure there will come a time when I’ll need to fly again. Work is bound to send me somewhere that’s too far to drive, and Alix and I have some travel plans. I know you’re supposed to enjoy the journey as much as the destination. But I’ve never enjoyed the journey on a plane. Flight is a miracle. I’d just as soon it be somebody else’s.
10 things I wanted to share this week:
My weekly for WFAE was about the Nashville shooting, and how I’ve run out of words on gun violence.
It’s Masters week, so there were a ton of great golf stories to choose from. The best one was Kent Babb’s profile of Harold Varner III, who took millions in dirty Saudi money from the new LIV tour and explains exactly why. It’s such a revealing look at the transformational nature of money, especially in black America.
That was the best golf story of the week … but my favorite golf story of the week was Amanda Heckert’s truth bomb on the Masters nap. I did this just yesterday!
HOT ONES figured out how to do the celebrity interview right—disarm the celebrity with incendiary chicken wings—and the formula has worked for nearly 300 episodes.
DOG NEWS: While I work on my book, I’m devoting this slot to dog stories. This week: I don’t think I mentioned here about the results of Crufts, the British dog show that’s the largest show in the world. This year’s Best in Show winner: Orca, a Lagotto Romagnolo—a breed that used to hunt ducks but now mostly hunts truffles.
“One Shining Moment,” the theme song of March Madness, turns out to have come from one of the few moments in history where mansplaining created something useful.
RIP Seymour Stein, who signed so many artists that changed the musical landscape—from Madonna to the Talking Heads to the Ramones.
A trio of songs to send us home this week … first up, thanks to Spencer Hall (co-host of the brilliant Shutdown Fullcast and the Channel 6 newsletter) for recommending the extremely chill rapper Larry June, here working with the brilliant producer The Alchemist. This is “Orange Village”:
Lucinda Williams has a new song called “New York Comeback,” and she has a new guy on backing vocals. Springsteen somebody.
Finally … last week I posted a smoldering duet between Kris Kristofferson and Rita Coolidge on Kris’ classic “Help Me Make It Through the Night.” Well, Shedhead Greg L. trumped that with Burt Bacharach and Barbra Streisand doing “Close to You.” When the camera moves in for that slow close-up … hoo boy.
See y’all next week, everybody.
Ah, the Masters nap, a long-held tradition in our household. Although TBH, it can look deceptively like a Panthers nap (3rd quarter, waking up in the 4th to find that all hope is lost). There was a time when my golf crush, Freddie Couples, was often in the hunt on Sunday afternoons & I never napped. But as the years have gone by & glimpses of Freddie are rarer, I find myself nodding off. It’s so relaxing to hear the outside birdsong mixed with that of the birds on TV, the roars from the crowd & that sweet Masters song that plays more frequently as the weekend rolls on.
Your WFAE piece on gun violence - I am right there with you, T. I cannot conceive of what drives someone to kill without provocation, but most especially innocent children. It’s a level of evil that I just can’t fathom. Our schools have become killing fields, and no other country in the world comes close to matching this insanity.